Someone once said that having ideals is no great feat;
the real feat is, in the name of truly great ideals, not to falsify minute details.
I can see the ghosts lurking behind the words as I write them—their eyes
fixed on the page, following the rasp of the worn nib of a fountain pen
that meticulously records all the petty grievances of a little man at odds
with a broken heart I’m not yet ready to give up on. Absolution, after all,
begins with oneself.
What does it mean to love, let alone to love well?
And whom—or what, for that matter?
After all, we say love countless times every day:
I love a good laugh now and then;
I love my steak rare;
I love Friday nights out with my buddies;
I love travelling;
I love your haircut;
I love those floral twist-back tops she wears;
I love that song;
I love the latest book by [author of your choice here];
I love my [pet or person of your choice here];
I love myself;
I love you.
Honestly, it’s as confusing as dying
over everything in life.
There is no purpose to life—we are born to die, and that’s it.
Everything in between is a flaccid time-filler. And yet we flex
our muscles and strike dignified poses, as if we were better
than seagulls fighting over a box of chips with chippy sauce
dumped on the pavement by bar-goers on their way home
after a Friday night out, when in fact, even our cries are as loud
and desperate—except theirs say that there is no purpose to life
but life itself.
I can’t recall the last time I needed a nap after dinner.
It must have been when I was a kid in the nursery.
I remember teachers herding our skittish bunch onto mattresses
on the floor of the playroom for that very purpose.
Those who didn’t want to sleep had their faces pretend to be brushed
with a janitor’s broom, which was always greeted with squeals and laughter.
But eventually each of us would fall asleep, as I had just done.
Life truly does come full circle.
If I were to punch anyone in the face,
it would be the one who said I should live my life
without regrets. What kind of advice is that?
The only way to follow it is to never be born;
otherwise, you will always regret something,
even if it’s the life you haven’t lived.
Why are black-and-white pictures called black-and-white pictures
when there is so much colour in them—so much unadulterated life?
At least the gown and tuxedo look better in them, and the wrinkles
become refined, as do the tears. And the trifling details fade away,
like the ones we hoped to capture in them.
If I told you that life is a miracle
of a chore—and a tedious one,
to be frank—would you rather believe me
or put your trust in all those who preach
that it is an actual miracle in its own right?
For if the latter, what a pathetic miracle is it
that has compelled us to say that drama is life
with the dull bits cut out? Isn’t that right, Alfred?
After all, two measly hours don’t compare
to the decades we have to endure. Yet, I recognise
that there is a miracle in life—that despite everything,
we still somehow manage to pull it off.
As I talk to a man of tough words
across the two centuries standing between us,
I try to recall the youngster who has grown
into myself over the past three decades.
I wish I could have told him that there was nothing
inherently wrong with being the protagonist
in his own drama, even if it’s not particularly well staged
and the audience is composed solely of critics.
But in truth, I doubt I would be able to say anything
that he wouldn’t have figured out himself eventually.
After all, I may be more well-read, but I’m still just as clueless,
only disillusioned—though that comes with time.
Why is it that when I see a young seagull rolling down a roof,
I have this urge to write about a young seagull rolling down a roof,
even though I don’t care about a young seagull rolling down a roof?
But before I could find a good reason—any reason—after a brief
tussle in the gutter, the young seagull flew away crying, unscathed
and unaware.
hidden pilcrow 