Tag: life

watercolour showing a man on stage during a monologue

The vaginaless monologues

Published on by Maciej Modzelewski4 Comments

I have no vagina; I haven’t been blessed with one. I am vaginaless. I was born with this sausage-like front tail called a penis instead. And believe me, it’s not a blessing—try peeing after waking up with a morning wood, for example. Ah, you don’t know what it’s like. Well, so do I when you mention your period. It looks like we both have things we just have to take on faith. And please, before you accuse me of mockery, try to see me for who I really am, because your body drives you crazy once a month; mine, on the other hand, is a thorn twenty-four-seven; at least it was for the younger, testosterone-fuelled version of me. Now that I’ve crossed the magical forty mark, it’s actually not that bad. Originally, masturbating at least twice a day went down to at most twice a month. It’s that damn biology, you know. Obsession with sex may be funny in Hollywood comedies, but in real life, it’s a hard thing to deal with, especially for an average guy like myself who doesn’t look like Brad Pitt or is rich like those dudes at Google. And just to be perfectly clear, I don’t condone any of the terrible things that have happened and are still happening to you and your sisters. I’m the furthest from that. And this whole patriarchy thing is as bad for me and my brethren as it is for you, even if some of these morons are not even aware of that. So, let’s talk about how to change our lives for the better.

two faces facing each other, one with eyes open, the other with eyes closed

Existence

Published on by Maciej Modzelewski1 Comment

To be is the act of acts,
if the philosopher is to be believed,
but despite the active voice
of the copulative verb,
it nevertheless makes my existence a thing,
if you trust the poet who once said
that feeling and faith speak stronger
than the glass and eye of a sage.
It is fun to watch quarrels between two sides
of the same coin.

watercolour painting of two human figures in a kneeling position

A casual game of inkblot cards

Published on by Maciej Modzelewski1 Comment

My body is slowly falling apart, and with it, everything else.
Nothing major quite yet, though; more like a foretaste found in the gallows
humour so typical of my native folk wisdom: When you are over forty
and you wake up in the morning with no pain, you are dead already.
But life is peachy, of course, because whether I thrive for or in spite of you,
I still need you, even if only for whatever the next folie à plusieurs would be.
After all, we are all in this bedlam together.

colorful image of the city in the afternoon with people relaxing in the park

The world in technicolour

Published on by Maciej Modzelewski1 Comment

It must feel good to see the world in technicolour. Mine has always been sketched with charcoal,
with occasional dun streaks and traces of mould in places. For long, I blamed myself for not being
a great drawing subject. After all, you cannot expect an artist to find inspiration in a boring shape.
But then it struck me that there is no such thing as my world but the world, and it has colours—only
I am colour-blind.

artist's hand sketches skeletons leading one another

Mind your words

Published on by Maciej Modzelewski1 Comment

We often say, I’m dying for this, or I’m dead serious about that, or even I would die
a thousand deaths before [something], not to mention the notorious dying of a broken
heart, but sooner or later death is going to be more than just another figure of speech.
Shadowing life like a stop-motion artist replacing figurines on a scene so that hardly
anyone notices frame skips, with a single casual stroke, it will stop you mid-sentence
for ever, regardless of whether you mind your words or not. But you could consider
those left behind.

Blurred, demonic silhouette of a man

A living dead

Published on by Maciej Modzelewski1 Comment

When not like a complete stranger, I usually look like someone’s colleague, often a neighbour,
sometimes even a father, but never like a husband or boyfriend, at least. How come, you ask?
Well, I tried once, but it turned out that looks can be deceptive, and the whole law of attraction,
if I ever believed in it, is nothing but a sedative. Of course, once tranquillized, I might make it
through another day. The problem is that being alive is not the same as living. So tell me, then,
what does that make me look like?

a man in a room with two desks, white and black, looks out the window

Monochrome

Published on by Maciej Modzelewski1 Comment

I have two desks at home, one for work and the other where the rest of my life takes place.
Coincidentally, the former is white, contrasting sharply with the near-blackness of the latter,
although I would not seek any particular meaning in that, and besides, both gather dust just
as quickly. But when I think about it, white really emphasises the futility of my nine-to-five,
while black goes well with the solitude of the remainder of the day. Perhaps there is meaning
in colours; I just missed the right palette.

man under an umbrella in the rain

The fourth sin

Published on by Maciej Modzelewski1 Comment

Envy is a hard pill to swallow. Even a glass of summer rain does not help, although I try hard
to shower my conscience with its patter. There is always that distinct possibility that, by birth,
I am simply a bad person—if we follow the scriptures, of course, and overlook the simplistic
depiction. But I would rather reach for an umbrella and Wellington boots to survive one more
life outside your windows. After all, envy brought me here, so it cannot be that bad.

the spider caught the fly

Good deeds

Published on by Maciej Modzelewski1 Comment

When I was a little boy, the priest in the catechism lessons admonished us to remember
to do good deeds. We should have done at least one a day. I wonder if feeding the flies
I caught to the two spiders residing in my bathroom counts as such—double, actually,
if you look at it economically. I guess it should, at least from the spider’s perspective.
But before you accuse me of mockery, we should love every creature, should we not?
And is a spider not also your god’s creation? Since I cannot stand flies, it is only natural
to support their predators. As they say, an enemy of your enemy is your friend, and you
should always take care of friends and family. And do not give me that look. I know I am
supposed to love my enemies, but since I am no longer a believer, well, I can always ask,
Why are spiders not vegetarians then? Or, even more, why is feeding required in the first
place? After all, even plants are living creatures.