Tag: reflections on life

artist's hand sketches skeletons leading one another

Mind your words

Published on by Maciej Modzelewski1 Comment

We often say, I’m dying for this, or I’m dead serious about that, or even I would die
a thousand deaths before [something], not to mention the notorious dying of a broken
heart, but sooner or later death is going to be more than just another figure of speech.
Shadowing life like a stop-motion artist replacing figurines on a scene so that hardly
anyone notices frame skips, with a single casual stroke, it will stop you mid-sentence
for ever, regardless of whether you mind your words or not. But you could consider
those left behind.

a man is looking through a book in a pound shop

The first time at home

Published on by Maciej Modzelewski1 Comment

Have you ever been to a pound shop?
I still remember, as if it were just yesterday,
my very first time in one.
It was right after I arrived in Scotland.
Imagine a recent immigrant, still without a job
and already on a very tight budget,
in a place where everything costs only a pound.
I found it an absolutely marvellous idea,
especially after discovering a well-stocked bookshelf.
Of course, I did not know a single word in English then,
so there was no chance of reading any of them,
but the mere fact that I could have some for the future
was enough, like a beacon of hope
that sooner or later everything would fall into place,
because where there are books,
there is home.

Blurred, demonic silhouette of a man

A living dead

Published on by Maciej Modzelewski1 Comment

When not like a complete stranger, I usually look like someone’s colleague, often a neighbour,
sometimes even a father, but never like a husband or boyfriend, at least. How come, you ask?
Well, I tried once, but it turned out that looks can be deceptive, and the whole law of attraction,
if I ever believed in it, is nothing but a sedative. Of course, once tranquillized, I might make it
through another day. The problem is that being alive is not the same as living. So tell me, then,
what does that make me look like?

a man in a room with two desks, white and black, looks out the window

Monochrome

Published on by Maciej Modzelewski1 Comment

I have two desks at home, one for work and the other where the rest of my life takes place.
Coincidentally, the former is white, contrasting sharply with the near-blackness of the latter,
although I would not seek any particular meaning in that, and besides, both gather dust just
as quickly. But when I think about it, white really emphasises the futility of my nine-to-five,
while black goes well with the solitude of the remainder of the day. Perhaps there is meaning
in colours; I just missed the right palette.

man under an umbrella in the rain

The fourth sin

Published on by Maciej Modzelewski1 Comment

Envy is a hard pill to swallow. Even a glass of summer rain does not help, although I try hard
to shower my conscience with its patter. There is always that distinct possibility that, by birth,
I am simply a bad person—if we follow the scriptures, of course, and overlook the simplistic
depiction. But I would rather reach for an umbrella and Wellington boots to survive one more
life outside your windows. After all, envy brought me here, so it cannot be that bad.

a beautiful young woman reflected many times in mirrors

In a wilderness of mirrors

Published on by Maciej Modzelewski1 Comment

It is truly baffling how easily we forgive a young, beautiful woman pretty much anything.
No matter how you look at it, it is unfair to her less appealing sisters that she can get away
even with a ridiculous hat that looks like a lampshade as long as she asks with an innocent
smile, So how do I look? And you can never be sure what, in her opinion, constitutes cute
or gross, for that matter, until you realise that in all her splendour she has also got nothing
but a crooked mirror.

the spider caught the fly

Good deeds

Published on by Maciej Modzelewski1 Comment

When I was a little boy, the priest in the catechism lessons admonished us to remember
to do good deeds. We should have done at least one a day. I wonder if feeding the flies
I caught to the two spiders residing in my bathroom counts as such—double, actually,
if you look at it economically. I guess it should, at least from the spider’s perspective.
But before you accuse me of mockery, we should love every creature, should we not?
And is a spider not also your god’s creation? Since I cannot stand flies, it is only natural
to support their predators. As they say, an enemy of your enemy is your friend, and you
should always take care of friends and family. And do not give me that look. I know I am
supposed to love my enemies, but since I am no longer a believer, well, I can always ask,
Why are spiders not vegetarians then? Or, even more, why is feeding required in the first
place? After all, even plants are living creatures.

the man looks longingly into the ocean

Mariane

Published on by Maciej Modzelewski1 Comment

For Makenna

An ocean and three decades apart, how pathetic can a heart be
to change its beat for a blooming wit? Has it learned nothing
from Molière’s old geezer about what awaits a risible suitor?
Perhaps the Harpagons of yore really are my only brethren
in this old conundrum, but for what it is worth, I can always
share a verse about it.