Tag: loss

I must have lost something

Published on by Maciej ModzelewskiLeave a comment

The treasured few amongst the plastic army—the tin soldiers—that would forever be remembered as the toxic delight of my early youth went missing somewhere along the way to adulthood, and besides, I had outgrown my childhood toys, so for my twentysomething birthday, I bought myself a gas mask in an army surplus store, and now even that has disappeared somewhere during my excessive itineration. So I wonder if I have lost nothing but insignificant memorabilia or perhaps a fragment of my soul.

More words to ponder at maciejmodzelewski.com

Bits and bobs

Published on by Maciej ModzelewskiLeave a comment

I still can’t believe I like dark chocolate,
and pesto, and a few other things I once found unbearable.
Does that mean I’m capable of changing,
or that I just don’t care anymore?
But it can’t possibly be the latter,
because when I think about it,
there are more bits and bobs I’ve learnt
not to like over the years;
case in point, an indentation on my ring finger
is long gone, but it still hurts
I had it in the first place.

A mourner’s doubts

Published on by Maciej ModzelewskiLeave a comment

I watch Baroness Reid of Cardowan and wonder
if this is what it feels like—dying
of life: one by one you lose your passions
and learn the names of flowers along the way.
But why then would you grieve in a morgue
instead of a maternity ward?

A farewell

Published on by Maciej ModzelewskiLeave a comment

Do you remember that feeling
when you finally find out what the melody is
that has been haunting you for months,
after you’ve heard it just once by chance,
only to be played all of a sudden
by the violas and cellos—an ostinato
carved into the black vinyl—as a farewell
to the kind of reserved innocence
you often only begin to savour
when it’s already too late? I do.
If only you had realised then
that you could survive on a single act
of desperation.