When did I become an amanuensis
of my own? If only I were a Boomer,
I’d have charged a few shillings per page
back in the day—now it’s all self-
procrastination for a bowl of noodles.
More words to ponder at maciejmodzelewski.com
When did I become an amanuensis
of my own? If only I were a Boomer,
I’d have charged a few shillings per page
back in the day—now it’s all self-
procrastination for a bowl of noodles.
More words to ponder at maciejmodzelewski.com
I think I have fallen out of practice;
I’m just not sure what I’ve fallen out of practice at.
It might have something to do with having expectations—
whether high or low is of little importance—or happy endings
for the audience’s sake.
More words to ponder at maciejmodzelewski.com
I have a cheesecake promised
five hundred miles away from here.
It’s not even a blown kiss—a jest, perhaps,
with sunglasses on (that’s London, after all),
or a prolegomenon to a fable
in fluent silence.
More words to ponder at maciejmodzelewski.com
I guess I’m no longer looking for anything—
anything in particular, at least
(subject to the occasional surprise).
Perhaps that’s why I have settled on films
with Miss Kendrick—somewhere along the way,
I left behind a pile of first-edition hardbacks,
and my collection of Ikea nutcrackers fell victim
to the financial proceedings—the final stage
of love.
More words to ponder at maciejmodzelewski.com
I’ve spent some time thinking about what it means to exist without having consented to existence, and what a rational response to that predicament might look like. This draft manuscript represents an attempt to systematize those thoughts into something resembling a coherent philosophical framework.
The central concept is homo coactus – the coerced human. We are brought into existence without consent, denied autonomous exit through systematic institutional prohibition, and subjected to biological drives, social obligations, and temporal demands that operate independently of our rational preferences. Most philosophical and religious traditions respond to this condition by demanding additional energy expenditure: create meaning, pursue transcendence, engage politically, develop yourself spiritually. This framework asks: what if the more rational response is strategic withdrawal?
The book develops the concept of “existential minimalism” – not as depression or nihilistic despair, but as a practical philosophy of energy conservation. It examines how coercion operates at multiple levels: biological (sexual drive, ageing, sleep requirements), temporal (the tyranny of consciousness requiring continuous stimulation), institutional (the denial of exit rights, mandatory labour), and social (the impossibility of authentic reciprocal relationships).
Rather than seeking to transcend these constraints, the framework focuses on managing them efficiently through what I call “existential hibernation” – maintaining minimal viable participation in social and economic systems while preserving maximum energy for autonomous functioning.
The analysis includes:
The framework draws on but ultimately critiques existentialism (which demands heroic engagement despite recognizing groundlessness), Buddhism and Stoicism (which promise transcendence through energy-intensive transformation programs), and political philosophy (which assumes social reorganization can solve structural problems of consciousness itself).
The bibliographic references and footnotes were generated with AI assistance and should be treated with appropriate scepticism. While I’ve attempted to cite relevant philosophical sources accurately, AI systems can produce plausible-looking citations that may contain errors or refer to non-existent passages. Readers interested in the primary sources should verify citations independently before relying on them for scholarly purposes. The core arguments stand independent of the citation apparatus.
This is a first draft. It’s incomplete, likely contains errors, and represents thinking-in-progress rather than definitive conclusions. I used AI assistance to help organize and articulate scattered thoughts into readable form – the ideas are mine, the prose is collaborative.
I’m not a professional philosopher. I’m not seeking publication, building a movement, or trying to convince anyone of anything. The writing served a function while I was doing it. Now it’s done serving that function. Whether it serves any function for anyone else is not something I’m investing energy in determining.
If you find something useful here, take it. If not, that’s fine too. The framework itself argues against treating creative output as requiring external validation or lasting cultural impact.
Technical note: This PDF is freely available for download and reading. Questions of ownership, reuse, and future licensing are addressed on the About me page of my website, where they already exist and require no further elaboration here.
The complete first draft is available as a PDF here:
[Download]
More words to ponder at maciejmodzelewski.com
Sudoku and reheated dinners—
all these bizarre contortions
known as daily dances
that amount to nothing
more than endurance training
for the obviated Olympics,
where yesterday’s blood and sweat
become tomorrow’s Nativity play.
But if life only happens
on stage, on a silver screen,
in the thicket of typeset pages,
I will gladly remain
a pilcrow.
More words to ponder at maciejmodzelewski.com
I have to admit, I don’t generally believe in love. I think it’s just nonsense that society and pop culture forcefully shove down our throats. But when I watch a film like Kodachrome, there’s this faint hope for something—quiet and nameless—like that moment when Zooey rests her head on Matt’s shoulder as they watch Ben’s slides of Matt’s childhood. There’s something peaceful about it. It’s none of that Hollywood-style, Technicolour romantic love. So maybe it’s not that I don’t believe in love. Maybe I just don’t believe in the version that demands centre stage instead of being something more modest and more difficult: a temporary easing of solitude, a shared rhythm, a moment where nothing needs to be proven and it feels peaceful rather than intoxicating.
More words to ponder at maciejmodzelewski.com
Like a stranger
who shows you a little kindness,
the chess master of Täby strolls with you
amongst the mannen
in a tournament where every game
is one too many,
and the only name allowed
is Cartaphilus.
But as you walk
through the granite burg—
never sure
if the next cross street you turn onto
is a boulevard or a cul-de-sac,
yet feeling compelled to step forward,
even when in zugzwang—
you realise you’ve missed
the difference between a shop window
and a mirror.
More words to ponder at maciejmodzelewski.com
A lifelong cinephile,
I no longer watch films—
I’m perfectly content
with trailers.
More words to ponder at maciejmodzelewski.com